Prior to learning about Attachment Theory, I hadn’t given eye contact that much thought – yes, I knew that making eye contact demonstrated confidence and/or dominance and that too much could be creepy, and also that failing to make eye contact could be construed as impolite. However, I did not know the impact that caregiver’s gaze has on a child’s social development; how the caregiver consistently looks at the developing infant conveys a very clear message to the infant.
Think about how we feel about ourselves when our partner gazes at us in a loving manner – most of us stand a little taller, feel a little lovelier and those things help us experience and exude a little more confidence. Well, the same applies to infants: if we routinely look at them with affection, they learn that they are lovable and deserving of love – a crucial concept for creating healthy interpersonal relationships as adults. If we regularly avoid eye contact or look at them in negatively-perceived ways (ex:angrily, fearfully etc.) we might be communicating to them that they aren’t worthy of our attention or that they disgust or shame us, therefore creating unhealthy self-perceptions.
I really enjoyed this article https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ethical-wisdom/201104/the-meeting-eyes-love-how-empathy-is-born-in-us about the importance of eye contact and how it not only affects our internal working models (how we perceive ourselves in relation to others), but also how critical it is to developing empathy. Happy reading!
1 Comment
I love this article. I always apologized to the girls but explaining to them in a simple way I need to add that to my life. My parents were very loving but were authoritarians too.